Archive for July, 2010

by admin
on Jul 23rd, 2010

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I have lived for 63 years now. During my life my mind has gathered many jokes, life stories and experiences from many other people. Unfortunately I cannot remember who told me what joke or how I knew of others. Many of my jokes and experiences are all my own work of course, but some belong to other contributers to my life. I attempt here to acknowledge these educators to my vast experiences but I simply cannot remember them all. Those I remember are……

THE DIXIELANDERS - FABULOUS LOCAL COMEDY DUO. BOBBY THOMPSON - THE FINIST AND MOST REMEMBERED OF GEORDIE COMICS, I SIMPLY LOVED THIS MAN. BOBBY KNOXHALL, ANOTHER GREAT LOCAL COMEDY LEGEND. MORCOMBE & WISE OF COURSE. BENNY HILL. ALL THE ACTS FROM THE FABULOUS “THE COMEDIANS” SHOW RUN BY BERNARD MANNING. JASPER CARROT. ROY “CHUBBY” BROWN. MAX MILLER, THE ONE AND ONLY. ROUND THE HORN WITH KENNETH HORN, HUE PADDOCK AND KENNETH WILLIAMS. ALL THOSE FABULOUS COMEDY WRITERS ON “I’M SORRY I’LL READ THAT AGAIN - HUMPHRY LITTLETON, GRAHAM GARDEN, BILL ODDY WITH HIS FABULOUS SINGING VOICE, BARRY CRYER - FABULOUS COMEDY WRITER, TIM-BROOKE TAYLOR, JOHN GLEESE, DAVID HATCH AND THE INVISIBLE “SAMANTHA”. JIMMY CLITHEROE. LES DAWSON, THE MONTY PYTHON TEAM. FRANKIE BOYLE. THE TWO COMEDIANS ON THE “NOW” SHOW HUE & PUNT. CHESNY ALAN. BUD FLANNIGAN. BOB HOPE.  LES DENNIS. GEORGE BURNS. BRUCE FORSYTH. JIMMY EDWARDS. DICK BENTLY. THE GOONS. THE FABULOUSLY TALENTED JUNE WHITFIELD. HATTY JAKES. ALL THE CARRY ON TEAM. ELSIE AND DORIS WATERS FROM “FLOG IT”. THE TWO RONNIES BARKER & CORBETT. JIMMY DURANTY. CANNON AND BALL. PETER COOK & DUDLEY MOOR. ALL THE STARS OF ” BEYOND THE FRINGE”. ALL THE STARS FROM “ON THE BUSES” IN PARTICULAR REG VARDY. STEPHEN FRY. TED RAY IN “RAYS A LAUGH”. ALL THE STARS FROM ” NOT THE NINE O’CLOCK NEWS”. AGNUS DEACON FROM HIS SATIRE SHOW OF YEARS AGO.KEN DOD THE KING OF COMEDIANS. JIMMY JAMES-THE MAN WITH ACUTE TIMING ABILITY.BOBBY PATTINSON
I cannot remember them all, but as I do I will pay my respective homage and acknowledge their jokes . Without those listed above, who told what joke I cannot remember, I sincerely acknowledge that all of you contributed to my life greatly and I hope my acknowledgement of your jokes and stories is enough to keep your names alive to the public.If any professional comic feels I am using his jokes, just contact me and I will add your name without hessitation.

by admin
on Jul 18th, 2010

When I was seventeen I remember being introduced to a girlfriends dad. That was a day to remember. They lived in a small flat off Coatsworth Road in Gateshead. At that time I lived in a rented room not far away in Granville Street. We had some tea her mother had made, sardine and lemon curd sandwiches I think it was. After tea her mother cleared away and ushered her daughter into the kitchen leaving me and her dad in the sitting room. He was a lazy bloke. In the winter he was a deck chair attendent and in the summer he was a snow-plough driver, you know the type. He said “will you marry our Doris”, “not likely”, I said. He went mad, shouting “you’ll marry our Doris or else”. I said, “lets have a look at your Else then , she has to be better than your Doris”. He threw me out.

by admin
on Jul 17th, 2010

Viva Retirement

Its been a while since I last wrote on my blogg, despite my great love of writing. I have spent more than a year recovering from multipil fractures of my left arm. Thats the last time I offer to carry Ian Hantons wallet.

In this phase of my life, I’m so old they have discontinued my blood group, I have plenty time to recall my experiences of many things. There are odd times though that memory fails me. I’m sure I suffer from amnesia and deja-vu at the same time - times when I think I’ve forgoton this before. But still, live is good. I have two larg big screen TV’s, a new car, a nice house, money enough - but I still have to sleep with a fity-year-old woman, which does’nt seem fair.

Science has moved on a pace since my day. Pills to stop you getting fat, pills to stop you going senile, pills that stop you taking pills. They now make Viagra in powder form. I put it in my tea - it stops the biscuits going soft.

Still , I can now use a computer that will do all the hard work of recording my life, much better than the old type writers. This newly aquired skill gives me hours of pleasure and new knowledge. But I am what I am, a poor boy from the slums of Gateshead, way back when if you had three jam jars you had half a tea-set. Times when your only toy was an old tyre you “booled” along the road and you ran along side it. If you had a stick to hit it with you were seen as posh.

I remember one day my brother and my pals “booled” our tyres all the way from the Teams right up to Newcastle so we could play in Exhibition Park. My -  what a place it was, full of Geordie drunks. There always in two’s arn’t they. One does all the talking and the other all the listening. The only word you ever hear the listener saying is “definately” - you must have heard them, “I canna see my house says one - “Definately” says the other. You can always tell Geordie drunks - they all have green shoes and rusty zips.
When we finished playing we came back for our tyres but my brothers had a puncture so he had to walk home. I can still remember the tears in his eyes as I “booled” off, how sad I was because I could’nt give him a lift.