Archive for April, 2008

by admin
on Apr 18th, 2008

Funny thing-life?

It’s funny how we humans take to certain animals. We love our dogs, cats, parrots an fish, and would leave no stone unturned to make sure they are well. One of my pets is a Labrador called Benny. He was due a “shot” yesterday so I took him to the vet.

Whilst waiting my turn a bloke dasshes in holding a big dog in both arms, crying, “my dogs been run over, get me the vet”!!!. The vet duly appears and examines the dog. “I’m afraid our dog id dead”. The man breaks down in tears. “I’ve had this dog for 15 years, he cries, “he cannot be dead, I want a second opinion”. The vet walks into his office and re-appears with a cat. The cat starts at the head of the dog, looks carefully at the dog, walks down the dogs back, around its backside, all the way up its belly and back to its head, its eyes never once leaving the dogs body. The cat said, ” this dog is dead”.

“It carn’t be”, cried the man, “I want another opinion”. The vet looked at me, can I borrow your Labrador. The vet took my Labrador to the dead dog. It sniffed the dead dogs head, took his paw and opened the dead dogs eyes, sniffed at its chest the sniffed at its balls.

My dog then said, ” I’ve checked this dogs eyes, there is no sign of life, his heart makes no sound and his guts are not working, I’m absolutely sure this dog is dead”

With this the man is more calm and says to the vet, “alright, he must be dead, how much do I owe you”? “£150″ says the vet. The man explodes. “£150 just for telling me my dog is dead, thats bloody expensive”!

“I was only going to charge you £50″, replies the vet, ” but you insisted on a catscan and a Lab report”.

My daughter runs a local pub. I was there yesterday watching my grandchildren when a stunning blond walked in. She bought a drink and sat next to me. Nervously I looked at my watch. ” Your date late is she”? said this blond.” No, no, no, it’s nothing like that”, I said, it’s my new watch. “Whats special about your new watch”, she asked. “Well it’s a Beta-wave sinkranisor, it sends me wave impulses to tell me whats happening”. “Don’t be daft”, what on earth can a watch tell you”? says she. Well it’s telling me you have no nickers on”. “Well it’s not working, I can assure you my nickers are on”!

“Must be an hour fast”, I said.

Have you read the Sun today. Theres an article saying that after numerous tests scientists have discovered that beer contains female harmones. They took one hundred men and made them drink 12 pints of beer each. After consuming all the beer they discovered that 100% of them talked rubbish and couldn’t drive.