Archive for October, 2006

by admin
on Oct 16th, 2006

How we misjudge the Mentally Ill.

I want to get this message across to as many people as I can, because I want to change the views of people to a more positive one.

I started Psychiatric Nurse training in 1975. I was a poor student in financial terms, but academically very bright, passing all exams ahead of time and without any difficulty,but my first day of training still stands out in my memory.

I drove to the Hospital in a nackered old car that I paid £20 for, on credit. Just outside the Hospital wall all four wheels fell off, the wheelnuts rolled in all directions. A patient was hanging over the wall and looked-on in quiet contentment. I looked around for the wheel nuts, but I good only find 12 of them, instead of 16. I was stumped as to my next move.

The patient hanging over the wall, who incidently became a great and personal friend of mine, said, “Do’nt worry son, jack-up two wheels at a time, put three nuts on each wheel, they will hold the wheels on quite safely, then you will be able to drive the car home safe and sound”.

I did as advised and sure enough it worked perfectly.

I turned to this patient and said, “how can I thank you? Your a patient in a Mental Hospital, how did you know this would work?

His reply still haunts me. “I’M MAD, NOT STUPID”.

Two church people called at my house the other day. We discussed the souls of people. I said I was torn between believing that the soul of a person is in their heads, only coming to life when they die, on the otherhand the soul of a person lies in the heart. When the heart dies, so does the soul.

The two church people retaliated, “the sole of a person is in the whole body”, one said, “Yes, said the other, “indeed we are “all” R souls”.

Believe it or not my local Boots the Chemists have a notice in the shop. It says, “Tampax Reduced - for short period only”.

by admin
on Oct 9th, 2006

In my reminicent state I thought of the time I was a Bus Driver, now I mean real bus driving, the type when the driver was in a cab up the front and the conductress in the back. On the last jounrny of the night the bus broke down. Oh!,— dear me I thought, I’m not waiting for a mechanic to come out, we’ll be here all night. So†I lifted the engine cowling and had a look for the problem. The conductress came around and said, “would you like a screwdriver”,”not now”, I said, we are 15 minutes late already”.

†Or the time I took my mother-in-law on holiday to Wales. She fell down A “wishing well”. I was shocked and stunned. I never knew they worked!

Believe it or not, I once worked as a tax Inspector. I got the Tax return in from a woman called “Lustful Lill”. In the “occupation” section it said “chicken farmer”. I thought, get off I know this woman, err, I mean I had heard of this woman, she is a prostitute, not a chicken farmer, I’ll have her for fraudulant claiming. So I visited her house. After explaining who I was, coss I’d never met her before of course!, I pointed out to her the occupation she was claiming to work as. “Your not a chicken farmer ,I said, ” your a prostitute”!

She said, “take off your coat”, so I took it off. Then she said, “follow me upstairs, I know we can resolve this issue”, so I followed her upstairs. “Now come into the bedroom”, she said, so I followed her into the bedroom. Then she said, “See that bed”, in eager anticipation I replied, “Yes, Yes”. “You want to see the number of cocks I’ve raised on there”.

†Remember, there is two major rules to comedy.Rule 1. Always keep your audience wanting more!

by admin
on Oct 2nd, 2006

Danny as a young boy

Well thanks son for setting up this “Blog”, up North we would call this a website, but then were just ignorant Geordies.

Having said that, reading it brought back a memory of you when you were four. The dog had “poo’d” in the garden and you said “Dad, where does poo come from. Even at 4yrs old you talked a lot of shit. “Anyho,” I thought, well he’s got to know sometime, so I carefully explained to you that “When mammy and daddy eat food, which was not very often with your mother, it goes down the osophagus into the stomach, then the stomach takes out all the goodness in the food and what is left is called “chyme”. This “chyme” is then passed into the colonic tract where more nuitriants are absorbed out,then passed into the small intestine,where trace eliments are removed such as iron, zink etc,†then the waste products are passed out of the anus as waste,this is locally called “POO”.

The look on your face was that of amazement. You then said “OK then, what about tigger”!